One day, I was experiencing some stress and it was dinner time and my mom called me to the kitchen. It was the worst feeling, that I was losing my mind. When I looked at my mom standing by the stove. I could see her, but it was 100% not like my normal line of sight. I could actually see her from the ceiling and was looking down on her, but not only was my perspective up in the ceiling, but it was really foggy up there I was definitely observing her from outside my body's perspective.
It was my first experience with that happening. Since I search for content for my pages, hours every day, I learned a lot about borderline and it's symptoms. So, I recognized the symptoms immediately, which even scared me more. I thought I had just slipped out of my body and into the atmosphere, but I was having trouble getting back inside.
Depersonalization is closely related to derealization, but what does that feel like?
One of the most traumatic events of my life happened, my dad knew I shouldn't be alone so he was there. I remembered hearing the news- well, the first part of the news. There came a point where it was more than I could deal with. I don't remember the rest of the conversation, I do remember asking my dad about 20 times if I was really awake. I had no emotion considering what i just heard. This couldn't be my life it was like I was watching a horrible movie not my life, I must have still been dreaming. I was almost robotically moving with the situation but I didn't believe I was awake, or that this was my life. Depersonalization and derealization can also occur at the same time, so you could have symptoms of both simultaneously. It is important when you experience these symptoms to get medical intervention. When this happened I took myself to the crisis center and they just gave me an antipsychotic and the next day I felt like I was back in my body. We don't have to suffer from these symptoms. Be honest with your provider and if you experience distressing symptoms seek help immediately.
Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) fase a much higher risk of suicide, with rates of 70- 80% attempting suicide at least once in their life. Tragically 10% of these attempts are successful. To put this in perspective, those with Major Depressive Disorder have a suicide rate of 2-4%, while those with schizophrenia have a rate of 5 -10%.
But what drives them to attempt suicide? It's important to understand there are a lot of factors that contribute to this.
It's important to remember BPD is not a life sentence. There are effective treatments, that will reduce or even eliminate your symptoms. The therapy DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) takes a commitment. You should expect to spend 2-3 hours a week doing skills training and counseling. The payoff is huge. For me personally, I couldn't continue life. DBT was my last ditch effort, but I did give it an effort. If it could make me symptom free, like it did, and be peaceful and content in life, I would have went longer. The results are that incredible. I encourage others to take dbt, and preferably the module by Marsha Linehan.
Do you think you could possibly have BPD? Are you considering getting a diagnosis? There are a few things you might want to consider when deciding to take a psych eval. Could it be beneficial, yes but also no. Why wouldn't someone want a diagnosis?
With all that considered, why would anyone get a psych eval? I can only think of a couple good reasons, however they are worth all the negative aspects. That is you can feel better, you don't have to feel this way. The main objective of getting a psych eval is so that you can receive the most effective treatment for your particular disorder. The benefits of receiving the most effective treatment, is the strong possibility that you never feel that way again. With dedication and determination during your treatment, there's up to a 98% chance you will become symptom free and no longer test positive for borderline. I think that's a Priceless Payoff, get the eval, but be very selective in who you share it with.
How can one find, or even draw the line between being supportive to your borderline and being able to hold them accountable. I know as one myself, I do not take criticism very well, I feel attacked when criticized. I imagine holding us accountable is quite challenging. Some gentle ideas to help you navigate this tricky situation are:
The best place to begin is for you to start to educate yourself about your partner's symptoms and the best treatment options. It is important to understand BPD, so you are able to recognize the difference between an intentional behavior and a behavior caused and controlled by the disorder. And that's the first step in holding them accountable - knowing if it's their intent or their illness.
The next most important step is to set very clear and very consistent boundaries. Make sure your partner knows exactly what you expect and the consequences if you don't. You must balance their consequence while maintaining empathy and understanding. The most important part of boundaries is your ability to be consistent in enforcing these boundaries. Try to keep your focus on their behavior, not them as a person. Don't attack the person, only address their behavior. Express how you feel and your concerns with out any blaming. Encourage self-reflection, help them recognize any patterns and triggers for their behavior. They need to be able to take ownership of their actions. Never stop supporting treatment, there may always be a need. It can be therapy, or medication or even both.
Where do you draw the line? You start by prioritizing your safety. If your partner's Behavior poses a risk to themselves or others, don't take chances, get help right away. Is the behavior typical of them or a result of BPD symptoms intensifying? Identify patterns and what's causing them. This is not a time for the silent treatment. What they are crying out for is reassurance, that you might be upset, but it's going to be all right. The silent treatment is the opposite. It makes us very anxious even worse. Be open and remain honest. You're going to need to clearly express your concerns and your expectations. Don't forget about yourself. Caring for someone with BPD can be very draining- seek support for your own well-being.
Stigma: People with BPD are crazy, abusive and manipulative.
Reality: individuals with BPD are really struggling with a serious mental health condition that affects their emotions, relationships and behavior. Their brains are actually smaller and have less activity than a typical brain. These anatomical differences are the evidence that are behavior is not because we are crazy or manipulative but rather those anatomical differences are evidence, explaining the abnormalities in our behavior.
Stigma: BPD is rare and not many people are diagnosed.
Reality: 1.6%- 5.9% of the general population suffer from BPD. That number is higher meaning that BPD is even more common than we previously believed.
Stigma: Only females get BPD.
Reality: While it is true that women are more likely to be diagnosed with BPD, it's not because they suffer from it more than men, it's because they seek treatment for it more than men. The true numbers may even be half and half. Men with BPD are underdiagnosed and often discovered in prisons and substance abuse centers.
Stigma: People with BPD are just attention Seekers.
Reality: Although people with BPD will engage in behaviors that might appear to be attention seeking, but those behaviors are really just coping mechanisms, for their intense emotional pain and distress. I'd like to give an example here: if you are in a relationship with a borderline, one of their core symptoms is a fear of abandonment. If you were to threaten your partner with borderline that you were going to leave them, they may respond by telling you that they're going to kill themselves. How is this not manipulation? Simple, it is the motivation behind it. They are not saying that they are going to kill themselves, in order to trick you into staying. When they say this, they mean it. The reason they say it is because being abandoned is more frightening than being dead. They don't want to feel that grief, because we feel things 100 times stronger than typical people.
Stigma: BPD is a personal weakness or a flaw in their character.
Reality: BPD is a very serious and deadly mental health condition that requires lifelong professional treatment and support. Not because they are weak or flawed, it is those anatomical differences in our brains that would lead you to believe that.
Stigma: People who suffer from BPD are not able to have healthy relationships.
Reality: It is true that people with BPD struggle in maintaining relationships however, many people with BPD are capable of forming and maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships with the right support combined with treatment. I just want to insert here, that I have been happily married for almost 12 years, we can have long healthy relationships.
Stigma: BPD is an untreatable life sentence of mental illness.
Reality: While BPD is challenging to treat, therapies like DBT have been proven to be the most effective in reducing borderline symptoms and drastically improving our quality of life. In fact statistics show that borderlines who spend two years in DBT therapy have a 98% chance of becoming symptom free the rest of their life and no longer testing positive for borderline.
Stigma: People with BPD are aggressive and even violent.
Reality: While some people with BPD may exhibit aggressive behavior, it doesn't reflect the entire BPD population. Many people with this diagnosis are not violent or aggressive at all, in fact there are a group of borderlines who are less likely to be violent to others but more likely to be violent to themselves.
Stigma: BPD is caused by poor parenting or a bad upbringing.
Reality: While childhood trauma and an invalidating environment may contribute to the development of BPD- exact causes are complex.
Stigma: People with BPD are faking their symptoms. It's all in their heads.
Reality: People diagnosed with borderline are not faking. BPD is a legitimate mental health condition that requires compassion understanding and professional treatment. It can be identified through the physical differences between a healthy brain and a BPD brain. They are not the same and the differences explain the differences in our Behavior. And about it being in our heads, of course it is, where else would it be?
What is a secondary psychopath? Secondary psychopath, known also by secondary sociopath or pseudopsychopath is a person who exhibits some, but not all, of the personality traits of a primary psychopath. Normally a secondary psychopath will start to develop, in response to factors such as:
What kind of symptoms are present in the secondary psychopath?
Secondary psychopathy is often associated with cluster B personality disorders, particularly: Antisocial Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and may present with the following symptoms:
a pervasive pattern of disregard for other people's rights, feelings or safety. They may have instability in relationships, emotions and self-image, often accompanied by impulsivity and emotional dysregulation. They also are characterized by grandiosity, and a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Secondary psychopathy can manifest as a subtype within the cluster B personality disorders, especially ASPD.
I created a list of symptoms I could use to identify a secondary psychopath these symptoms include: impulsivity and engaging in reckless behaviors, anger outburst, aggression, manipulation, and a lack of empathy. This person will have a history of trauma as a child, substance abuse and dysfunctional relationships especially those that included domestic violence or emotional abuse. Their psychological characteristics will be emotional dysregulation, identity diffusion, chronic emptiness and cognitive distortions such as black and white thinking, catastrophizing or blaming others.
This is a treatable condition, given the person wants to and is willing to change. Comorbitity of additional disorders, and substance abuse can effect results.
I don't want to go. You choose to let your emotions take control. You like doing terrible things sometimes. I want to hurt you, when I'm hurting. I always push people that love me, away. You love to use this as an excuse to be lazy! You're so dramatic. When you're mean, it's the real you coming out. You are fake, you just act different depending on who you're around. You don't even know how to control yourself. It's not always about you! I will hurt your feelings. I'm alone and surrounded by people. Grow up! You're always miserable. You look like a caged animal. Why are you so needy? You're worthless. Are you even going to shower today? I just had to pick a man who was just like my dad. I can't believe you forgot that too! Everyone's not mad at you. How many more days am I going to wear this? You're always sorry, aren't you. What do you need?! You always need something! Why do you say those kinds of things? You did what? Why? How could I do that? You're lucky you're still alive. Did you eat ALL of that?! Can you just listen, pay attention? Why haven't you cleaned this? Why did you take that? You're not obese. Why don't people love you like you love them? You even hate yourself. Damn, I even need to shave.
You have just been given your diagnosis, it may feel very validating or maybe confusing. You could even completely disagree with your results. Could they be inaccurate? It can be possible to get a misdiagnosis with all of the variables like: overlapping symptoms or inaccurate self-reporting, this is not an exact science, so you can expect errors to occur.
Numbers suggest, that mental health diagnosis is are incorrect, in about 30% of cases. Bipolar is hard to diagnose because 40% of patients with a bipolar diagnosis, do not even meet full diagnostic criteria for bipolar. That's almost half of them.
The leading causes for misdiagnosis are: 1. Complexity of conditions. 2. Overlapping symptoms 3. Limited Diagnostic tools 4. Clinician bias or lack of experience and 5. Patient factors- like inaccurate self-reporting.
After you receive your diagnosis, check it out, research it. It's very important to get the diagnosis correct- so that you get the most effective treatment for that particular disorder. A misdiagnosis will prevent this. If you feel it's not correct, the first thing to do is schedule a second opinion. You could ask someone you trust to refer you to a reliable provider. Ask how many years experience they have and ask for a comprehensive psych evaluation. The day you take the evaluation, make sure you've had plenty of sleep, something to eat, and be sure to pay close attention to the questions and give honest and detailed answers.
If this is your second opinion, you might also give the second provider your first results and explain what reasons you have to disagree with them. Write it all down on the copy you give the second provider. Keep in mind that many disorders share many symptoms. A symptom you are experiencing can be from one of many disorders or even more than one. Symptoms of one disorder can look like another disorder. Example: People with schizophrenia hear voices, but people with borderline also can experience auditory hallucinations. Bipolar can make you feel emotions intensely, but so does borderline personality disorder. If this wasn't difficult enough, it's also true you can have more than one of these disorders at the same time, making it more difficult to identify where the symptoms are coming from.
These are all important factors to consider when considering any new diagnosis, and how you feel about getting them. It's important to know it is not an exact science and it's not simple and clear cut.
When you get your results, take some time to read it and take notes on what you feel and why you feel this way. Take the results and your notes to the provider and discuss your feelings and any questions you have. This is important whether it's your first evaluation or your second opinion, because this test is about you, so how you feel is important to consider. Doing this will also help you understand why the provider came to their final conclusion.
A diagnosis is important in order to 1. understand your disorder and be able to better manage your symptoms 2. Find the most effective treatment 3. Find your best medications or just help you understand why you are the way you are. This is the first step in changing. There would never be any hope of finding a solution, if we're unable to identify the core problem. The reason we seek out diagnosis, is to accurately identify the specific mental health condition affecting you, understand your symptoms and to identify how this happened to you.
Getting a diagnosis is the very first step in validating your experience and helping you understand the how's and why's of your behavior. It's also the way we identify which treatment is most effective in treating our disorder. It's necessary part of solving your problems.
Note: Please don't be afraid to share any symptoms of your disorder with your doctor. Some symptoms are embarrassing or scary but there are solutions, as long as you are able to share it.
The amount of fentanyl deaths, has been skyrocketing for years, and has pretty much affected all of our lives. Yet i've never seen any kind of a rush to find a solution to stopping this monster. In America, Someone dies every 11 minutes from fentanyl. But unlike the drugs of the past now the od's are often a surprise and killing young kids. 2013 Was the year that we saw An explosion of synthetic opioids hit our streets raising the overdose rate 4,209% in the white population and increased 6,980% in the black population.
Let me explain what fentanyl is. Before hitting the streets in 2013, fentanyl was primarily used under medical supervision as a painkiller, but it also was an anesthetic, that is a hundred times more potent than morphine. Pharmaceutical fentanyl Was intended to treat severe pain and treat ternally ill patients who weren't going to live long enough for addiction to matter. It was just supposed to help people who were dying, alleviate enough pain to have some quality of life until they passed. But that is not what is causing the problem. It seems it is just as addictive as it is powerful. People are ordering it from china on the dark web and now adding it to all street drugs to enhance immediate effects of even marijuana and also increase the profit by adding weight and making it more addictive, ensuring the customers need to return and do it more often. It's found in heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, It's also used in eye drops and added to nasal spray. Most of all hands down, It is killing kids because it's disguised as exact replicas of drugs like xanax, Percoset, oxycontin, adderall and others. It only takes 2 mg to kill an adult. Almost every pill that's been confiscated contains three times the lethal amount. Young teens, trust their friends.And that's why so many are dying unintentionally. 54% of deaths from these pills are age fourteen to eighteen years of age.
Do you know that in the height of the aids epidemic we'd lost about thirteen thousand people a year? Fentanyl deaths tripple almost every year. Last year in 2023 we lost about a 115,000 young people. The d e a started building a fentanyl memorial wall, But since have hit a stand still. Because not only would it be too big but they can't even keep up with the numbers anymore. Last year the DEA seized more than 79.5 million fake pills. They also seized twelve thousand pounds of the pure powder. Here is the what that is equivalent to. More than 377 million lethal doses. And that's just what they caught and they don't catch the majority of it. And that is just in the first four months of 2024. This year the DEA has already seized 17,900,000 + Deadly fentanyl pills. And1,813+lbs of pure powder. Today, Seven out of every ten pills the DEA finds are enough to kill about three people.
This is just my personal opinion, This is bioterrorism. China figured it out. They don't have to kill us.We will kill each other and ourselves. I ask the Dea every time they call for my son's birthday for his angel day.I asked them what is the plan? I ask every time and never got an answer.
Overdose signs to watch out for: 1. Tired or lethargic 2. They may be snoring or making a rattling sound. 3. They have pin point pupils. 4. Their breathing is slow or stopped. 5. Color change. 6. Doesn't respond to painful stimuli.
People that sell fentanyl, Are not drug dealers They are death dealers!
DEA contact (202)307-1000
If you are going to use drugs no matter which one, NEVER USE ALONE!!
And if you're concerned about a loved one, I will mail you a box containing two doses of Narcan nasal spray. I can't pay shipping. It's like 5 or $6 for everyone, but I'll get it shipped to you in a hurry and I don't charge for the narcan.
My Mental health has caused problems my entire life. In my twenties my doctor prescribed me xanax, at first it helped a lot. It took all my pain away, It's not surprising I became addicted to that feeling. Things progressed over years and at the end, I'm embarrassed to admit I was taking 5-12, 2mg bars of xanax everyday. At this point my family was concerned about my ability to properly care for my children. Then July 5th, the police were at my door. Said they were to remove my children. There's nothing more traumatizing than losing a child. It makes you feel powerless, scared, angry and violated. Even when it's not happening to . you, If you saw someone lose their child, whether it was their life or they lost them to the state, it would break anyone's heart. It is brutal it's inhumane and cause life long issues for both the parent and the child. I never quit crying. I stopped taking the xanax the day they left. That only made things harder.Because I already had a hard time dealing with life and now when the worst thing that could happen was happening, I had to do it without anything to numb it, I felt every bit of it.
I remember every single night, I would wake up to my hands gripping my husband's head. I know it was because I was scared he would disappear too. When you lose your children, You don't know who you are without them and you feel like you failed at the only thing in life that really matters. And when you get them back you continue to be upset because you can never get back the time that they were gone. When children are removed because of drugs- you would think It would be simple just quit and get them back. It's not that easy like my situition.I was going through the hardest experience of my life and at the same time feeling everything for the first time in years. I felt Raw. The parent is using drugs because they don't feel able to deal with life, It's just too much. Then take their kids, now dealing with life is unbearable and hopelessness and a lack of confidence often makes them even worse. It's bad for everyone and it leaves the children feeling like the parent chose the drugs over them and and this is not true! The overwhelming sadness, shame, and grief are more than an addict can handle and they use as a coping measure. The drugs don't make them feel good, they distract the user from the life they can't deal with. Clearly they were struggling to deal with life before this life shattering traumatic event took place and and robbed them of their only reason to live and they are left even more unable to deal with life.
I'm grateful that I was able to stop numbing the very day I began to deal with this drama. Looking back I understand it had to happen. If my children hadn't been removed I would have continued to use xanax. I may have ended up with children who never spoke to me again.But this gave me a chance to wake up, stop and build a much better relationship with them. I still think removing them should only happen if the child is in danger. I think had they told me that they were going to take them I would have quit and avoided all of this.
When your child dies, It feels similar to when they are removed, only times infinity, because it's forever, no smiles, no laughter, no comforting hugs, no hope, no happiness and nobody can make it better. It's an unbearable VOID. When they were removed I wanted to try, try, try. But when they pass you want to die die die. I mean how many kids do I have now? Do I still have two or do I have one now?